|
Biographical Information
|
Famous Woody Allen Quotes
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
Marriage is the death of hope.
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.
I am an only child. I have one sister.
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
In Los Angeles they don't throw out their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.
It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
|